New Blog

New Blog:
zachzook.wordpress.com

Of failures, victories, self respect and honesty

Hello, my blog readers. the 5 of you that I have.

Hello on this dark and rainy night.

Outside looks like how I feel.

Isn't that a great way to begin?

Well, my life is nuts. All my friends are leaving me to go off to college. I am staying home and commuting to ACC. Depressing.

I go to orientation tomorrow. I'm nervous.

I'm going through all the post breakup emotions and hell from my first girlfriend. Yup. Only one. 7 months. and a week. exactly. But who was counting?

Anyway, I'm creepy. but It's hard. all of it. and it's even harder when you're not relying on God.

Yup. That sucks. Dealing with God. Coming back to God. Humbling myself before God. Wow.

So, here I am. I've sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. I was honest. I was true. I was blunt.

and it sucks. all of it. the mistakes that I made. the way it all had to go down. the hard choices that I've had to make. and she's a great girl. she's gorgeous. and how I messed up everything. Wow. So, here I sit. in awe of the mess that I've made. the mess that has my humanity. the mess that my humanity has made. Oh, God, I need you now. Why do I fall away? why do I fail?

I saw Scott Pilgrim tonight. It sucks. I'll tell you that right now. but I loved it. I'll watch it again and again. but that's because I'm a nerd. and I love being a nerd. and I loved the movie. it was really good and made me feel pretty good. but now it's all crashing down. I need my father. I need him.

melodies and lyrics

I have lyrics but I have no song. It's like... the lyrics came so easy. but the melody is eluding me like a gazelle hiding in a volcano.

does that analogy actually make sense? the answer is no. however, some of you laughed. However, the real problem is that I have lyrics but I can't get myself a melody. and I love these lyrics. it's like I'm trying too hard. so, if you can help me in any way, please do contact me. Comment, if you will....

I met you outside at the park.

You asked me to meet you because you needed closure.

Reluctantly, I walked up close,

Rain pouring hard as my heart skipped into disaster.

My mind was screaming profanities,

As the silence was taken away by the thunder.

Your eyes are screaming for peace,

For an answer to all your questions.

I'm sorry that this is the best that I can do at the moment.

Tears running down my cheeks as my wounds are being reopened.

I'm soaking wet from the rain. Or at least that's what I'd tell you.

I keep wondering why I came. Did I come for you?

Look, I didn't ask for you to leave.

And I didn't ask for me to realize all these things.

If I could change all the facts,

You know me well enough to know that I'd never look back.

So, as we stand between the strikes,

Of lightening lighting up the sky,

I stand with helpless hands,

Screaming back against nature's noises.

debilitation

my strength fails as I doubt the words.

God given words that have caused me to shudder and stutter.

I run within myself to find what I need to continue, to surrender.

To forget to worry.

to be above worry.

but I can't.

Lord, help me. Help me to remember your words. Help me to hold on.

Last Stands and Escape Routes

This is a little ditty that I have come up with the past few weeks. I hope you like it. :)

Please comment.

and yes, that is an elf hat in July.

blogity

is 'blogity' a word? nope. not at all. is it fun to say? yes.

I don't really know what to blog about. I'm content. it might have to do with the food that I just ate or the trip that I'm about to make in just a few hours. or it could be the Mac that I'm on. who knows?

I just know that God works everything out for the good of those who love Him.

I know that I am loving Sky Sailing's (Owl City's other project) debut album.

I know that I am content.

I know that I have problems.

I know that my God can handle them.

I know that my webcam is a whole lot of fun.

I know that I am a night owl.

I know I like Prince of Persia games and the movie.

I know that I like long walks on the beach.

I know that I have being covered in sand.

I know that I enjoy cheese. Pepperjack is great.

I know that I'm tired.

I know that I have a heart for worship leading.

I know that I love music in general.

I know that I am nothing and that I know nothing in comparison to the world.

I know that my God rules over all.

I know that my God saves.

I know that I know nothing about any variation of love.

I know that love is what matters.

I know greed kills people.

I know that I've written 'I know' a kabillion times.

I know that it's time to go to bed. but this is some of what I know.

Freedom

I can't seem to be free. Fully free.

7 months ties you down. Hard.

Freedom is both blessing and curse, here. My thoughts are misguided and scrambled on the issue. What I would do to breathe. What I am doing to breathe.

My God is working all for the good. I stand amazed in His constant presence. But this is hard. So hard.

Everything connects back. Everything is a reminder.

I need space to think. But my God is getting and will get me through. Thank you, Father.