Hello on this dark and rainy night.
Outside looks like how I feel.
Isn't that a great way to begin?
Well, my life is nuts. All my friends are leaving me to go off to college. I am staying home and commuting to ACC. Depressing.
I go to orientation tomorrow. I'm nervous.
I'm going through all the post breakup emotions and hell from my first girlfriend. Yup. Only one. 7 months. and a week. exactly. But who was counting?
Anyway, I'm creepy. but It's hard. all of it. and it's even harder when you're not relying on God.
Yup. That sucks. Dealing with God. Coming back to God. Humbling myself before God. Wow.
So, here I am. I've sent a letter to my ex girlfriend. I was honest. I was true. I was blunt.
and it sucks. all of it. the mistakes that I made. the way it all had to go down. the hard choices that I've had to make. and she's a great girl. she's gorgeous. and how I messed up everything. Wow. So, here I sit. in awe of the mess that I've made. the mess that has my humanity. the mess that my humanity has made. Oh, God, I need you now. Why do I fall away? why do I fail?
I saw Scott Pilgrim tonight. It sucks. I'll tell you that right now. but I loved it. I'll watch it again and again. but that's because I'm a nerd. and I love being a nerd. and I loved the movie. it was really good and made me feel pretty good. but now it's all crashing down. I need my father. I need him.
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